Run-Ins With The Industry

The Wedding Industry has skittered through our posts, popping up here and there as we’ve discussed how to throw a wedding. In our household, it is spoken of in flat and derisive tones.

While I used a few mainstream sites like The Knot and Bridal Guide Magazine to gain access to photo galleries, almost from the beginning, Mom and I decided to disregard anything that The Industry had to offer us.

The reason we have so little use for The Industry is that it has taken what should be a happy, simple affair and turned it into a lavish, entertainment extravaganza. Brides are encouraged to overspend and outdo one another in keeping up with the latest trends. Sure, the sites offer “Budget Tips”, but all of them assume that you’re going to be dumping $20,000 or more on “your special day”. I did frequently check the budgeting sections of the two sites that I mentioned. Sadly, the only tip that they had for a bride looking to throw a wedding for $5,000 was “invite 50 people or fewer.” Sorry, guys…that’s not even my whole family, much less the groom’s side and family friends.

There was one store we visited that epitomized everything annoying to us about The Wedding Industry. Upon arrival, we were greeted by a woman in her late-forties. We told her we were looking for Gilda (the lady who had sold me my dress – she had moved to a new location and was sharing space with another shop). The woman told us that Gilda wasn’t in and asked what we were looking for. “White pumps” I replied. It turned out, they didn’t have shoes, but they did have everything else.

"What about bridesmaids dresses?" she asked.

"We've got that covered," said I.

"Tuxes for the boys?"

"We're doing suits. It’s all taken care of, thanks."

"Mother-of-the-Bride Dress?" she asked, turning to Mom.

"Still looking, but we've already got something in mind," replied Mom, edging towards the door.

The lady gave us a pitch about Mother-of-the-Bride dresses that included the phrase, “You do want to look sexy, of course”. Our smiles became slightly more strained, but we laughed and thanked her for her advice.

"What about the honeymoon?" she burst out as we turned to leave. "I'm a travel coordinator, you know. Here's my card; give it to your fiancé. I can't tell you how many panicked grooms have come in at the last minute needing help!"

"Thanks," I smiled, taking the card.

"In fact, I have some brochures! Let me get them for you! Here, come with me!"

With a shrug, I followed her to the counter as she prattled on about some other service that she could offer. Handing me a wad of papers, the woman laughed and said,

"Have you registered, then?"

" 'Scuse me?" I asked, confused by yet another abrupt change in topic.

"For your honeymoon! You set up an online registry... some folks buy your tickets, others buy your hotel rooms or a day at the spa..."

This has got to be one of the few times I’ve been rendered speechless. I could feel my cheeks and neck heat up as I let out that shrill laugh that heralds an impending meltdown of the speech facilities and stammered,

"Oh, we won't be doing that. My family is just old-fashioned enough that they would look at me and go, 'How could you?'"

"Ah, yes..." The woman let out a brittle laugh as we reached my mother and the door.

We laughed about this woman and her hard sell approach the entire way home. On the plus side, we did get the business card of the tailor who hemmed my Dress, so perhaps The Industry isn’t completely useless.

Buy something! Buy anything! Buy it now!!!!

I should say now that there is a difference between a salesperson who is confident in their knowledge about their product and a pushy salesperson. Just because a salesperson suggests a product you haven’t come in to buy does not make them pushy. For example, our tailor was a very confident man. He showed us what he planned on doing to The Dress and why. When he suggested that I use a petticoat, we agreed to try it on. Sure enough, The Dress fit better and had smoother lines, so we rented the slip. The difference between him and the woman at the other store is that he recognized a need and offered to fill it while she just wanted to sell us something, anything, anything at all in the wedding realm. 

Overall, both Mom and I have reached the conclusion that The Industry has mutated from something useful and helpful to an entity that's just in it for the money. To be fair, there are some individuals within The Industry who are there because they love weddings and are passionate about helping brides and grooms alike. Gilda and Brian, our photographer, are two such people. 

For the most part though, it's seeming more and more like wedding vendors just want as much money as we will give them, with little regard for what we actually need. On the flip-side, brides are buying into the lie that "it's all about Me" that is so popular these days. Sadly, The Industry encourages this (after all, brides who want to one-up everyone else will spend more money).

Whether or not you use mainstream vendors is entirely up to you. Like I pointed out, there are helpful individuals and sites out there - just harder to find. Mom and I simply didn't have the time or energy to wade through everything we didn't want to find the gems out there.