A Dress for the Mother-of-the-Bride...or Groom

Finding a dress for me to wear to the wedding turned out to be just as time-consuming as finding The Wedding Dress itself! Rather than buying a new dress, I had decided to save some money and wear a mauve dress that I’d worn for Easter a couple of years ago. The color worked fairly well with the bridal colors and it was comfortable. Then I considered that this short-sleeved springtime dress wouldn’t keep me very warm in February and I’d probably need to wear a sweater, and me bundled up in a sweater was not the look I wanted at all. The hunt for more elegant attire was on!

Once again “the industry” was very little help. The overriding theme in most magazines and retail outlet web sites, and it remains one of the most laughable trends I saw, was the absurd notion that I, the mother-of-the-bride, must be “sexy” on my daughter’s wedding day. I can’t think of anything more pathetic!

Now, if I rejected the selection of “sexy” gowns, and there were plenty of them in black and red in the fall and winter months, I was left for the most part with a selection of dowdy dresses in washed-out pastel colors and covered with way too many spangles. Sadly, there was very little offered in-between those two fashion extremes. All I wanted to do was look respectable and “put together”. I didn’t want to recapture my youth. I didn’t want to look “vintage” or “retro”. I didn’t even want to be particularly shiny. I was well aware that The Day was not about me so I wasn’t concerned with grabbing attention, but I also didn’t want my appearance to elicit snickers or sympathetic glances.

To be honest, I hadn’t purchased a gown for myself in decades and had little idea of what would look good on me. To remedy this I read What Not To Wear by Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine, and then my daughter and I trooped down to Macy’s – one of the only retail outlets aside from Nordstrom’s that sells gowns for ladies – and tried on everything on the racks. I am a short person, only five feet tall, and I needed something that wouldn’t bury me or accentuate my ever-widening middle-aged figure. Sexy indeed!

In November we did find a navy blue chiffon floor-length gown with V-necked jacket accented with sparkly beads that looked promising. It would only need to have the hem taken up and I’d be good to go. Regrettably, the price was out of range, so I decided to wait and see if it went on sale.

On the positive side, trying on these gowns helped me to eliminate several popular styles, which were lovely on the rack but not so lovely on me, and hone in on what was the most flattering style. Now I could go online with its vastly greater selection and shop with a better idea of what would work. Even at that, as I looked at hundreds of gowns online, I began to prepare myself for the possibility that I would have to make my own gown. I even purchased some lovely pale lavender (called “iris”) taffeta and chiffon. The trick now would be to find an attractive pattern! With three bridesmaids’ dresses just finished and a veil in the works, I was not looking forward to more sewing. And time was running out.

Observing the rule of thumb that there are often fabulous sales in stores after Christmas, I returned to Macy's hoping to find the navy blue dress I'd tried on in November, this time on the sale rack. I was also hoping there might be some returns from Christmas available as well. I was disappointed to find that the blue dress was gone but winking at me from a hook on the wall was a size 14P dress and it was even in my style! ‘A little big,’ I thought, but I’d learned that sizes mean very little so I tried it on. It fit reasonably well and it looked pretty good on me! It was $169 but there was a 40% off sign over it that potentially brought the price down to somewhere around $100. I carried it to the cashier and asked her to check the price. "$59.99," said she. "I'll take it!" said I.

I was very happy with both our gowns! The guys looked great too, of course. :)

Now, to be sure, I would need to shorten the shoulder straps to bring the neckline up to a decent level and, after that, the hem might still need to be taken up a little, but that was a far cry from having to make the whole thing from scratch! I was delighted! The color was "amethyst" – a rich purple with more pink undertones than blue. And, thankfully, my daughter had shoes at home that matched the color perfectly.

As the final touch in being truly “put together”, I bought some shapewear to give me a more sleek appearance. The shapewear cost as much as the gown but, hey, I looked good! And I’d done it all at a price I could afford.

My advice to mothers-of-the-bride and groom:

• If you plan to buy a new dress for the wedding, as soon as the wedding date is settled, don’t wait, get out and start shopping! You will find that styles and colors change throughout the year. By shopping early you will have the greatest selection of garments to choose from. And the tag on a garment doesn’t have to say “wedding” on it to make it eligible to be worn at a wedding.

• Try on everything. Try on different sizes. Try on different styles. You can never really know how something looks until it’s on you. If possible, wear the undergarments and shoes you plan to wear when trying on clothing, that way you get a more exact idea of how it will look on you and what, if any, alterations might need to be made. 

• Take a color swatch of the bridal colors along with you. It never hurts to compare it to your dress. While it's not vital that you match colors, it is somewhat important that you don't clash. There will be pictures! 

• Take someone, a good friend or your daughter, along with you to assess how you look. It helps to have a second opinion, especially from someone who cares about how you look.

• Don’t be afraid to wear something you’ve been seen in before. Your dress doesn’t have to be brand new. Remember, I had originally thought of wearing an Easter dress I already had in my closet. My goal was simply to look respectable, be comfortable, and not break the bank. 

• Wear comfortable shoes. I’ll say no more.

Me all "put together" with my corsage, pearls, fake nails, special hair-do, and wonderful dress.