Time for Bridesmaids' Gifts!

This is the one I made for my little sister.

When it came to the thank-you gifts for my cousins and sister, I knew exactly what I wanted to give them right from the start. Since we all love faerie tales, I decided to get them each a miniature book of their favorite story. My Maid of Honor's is Cinderella, my one cousin said she prefers Beauty and the Beast, and my sister told me she likes Sleeping Beauty.

From there, I started looking online and in stores for little books. Most of those I found were much too large or just didn't look like a faerie tale book. Some of the books online were cute, but they cost upwards of $60 per book since they were "specialty items".

Seeing that I couldn't find what I wanted pre-made, I decided to make them myself. At first, I looked to see if there were any kits on hobby or craft sites or in stores. No luck. They either weren't what I wanted at all, or were too expensive for the amount of content that I'd get.

Not to be deterred, I went to Borders and found three little hardcover, gilt-edged, blank journals. they were about 4 inches tall and 2.75 inches wide with 60 pages - just what I wanted! As soon as I got a coupon, I went and bought them. Now, it was just a matter of finding pictures and then writing out the stories. Because I know that I have a tendency to procrastinate, I started this project in June, about nine months before I would need to finish. I figured that gave me two months per book with a one month break in between.

I used Google to find my images (all used within copyright laws to the best of my understanding). After I collected 30 or so for each story, I resized them and put them in 8.5 X 11 inch Photoshop documents to print. Luckily, the future Beloved Husband had access to a really nice Laserjet printer and printed them out for me. After I had physical copies in my hot little hands, I glued the cover image onto the front of each book and put the rest in order inside the book, leaving blank pages for narration.

The first thing that I realized was that gluing pictures in soon made the book too thick to close. To fix that, I cut out every other page in the books, effectively making room for the new sheets that I was adding. I glued as I wrote so that, if I used more pages than I had originally allotted for a portion of the story, I could adjust the illustrations. That was a good move, since I usually underestimated how long it would take to write the beginnings of the stories.


Often I would have many illustrations for the same section of story. When that was the case, I would have several pages of pictures, some of that story segment, and then the last couple drawings. This was actually quite a blessing because it enabled me to fill more pages and thus make a relatively short story last a full 30 to 40 pages.

I loved it when I was able to get a picture that took up two pages! I thought it made my little books feel so much more like those beautiful leather-bound tomes that you see in the movies. I wanted them to look as sumptuous as possible - after all - these were Faerie Tales! They should look just as cool as the stories they contained.

Overall, the project took me the full nine months. True to form, I would procrastinate, take long breaks, or just allow myself to be distracted. At one point, I ended up taking one of the books to school with me so I could work on it in between (and during) classes.

Just when I thought I was done, Mom and I found some awesome stick-on rhinestones at our local craft store. A perfect finishing touch that only took a half hour to add.

So, I suppose, in closing, the main point of this entry is: if you have a smashing idea, don't settle for something that doesn't quite fit the bill - keep looking or make it yourself. I guarantee you'll be glad you did and your bridesmaids will love it.

Decorating the Reception Hall

Our reception hall was, and we must be completely honest here, an indoor basketball court. The two baskets on opposite walls could not be retracted nor could the large scoreboard be hidden from view. We would’ve needed a cherry picker to hang any decorations from the high ceiling, and the court lines were clearly visible on the floor. Our job was to overlook these liabilities and transform the room into something that resembled an inviting banquet room.

We decided not to decorate the basketball hoops or attempt to cover the scoreboard reasoning that the less we did to them the more likely guests simply would not notice them and, happily, this turned out to be the case. It also meant less work for us at the end of the evening since we would need to take down everything we put up.

Twenty-four tables covered most of the floor. One would have to look hard to find the court lines beneath them. Each table had a snowy white tablecloth and a candle arrangement on a mirror in the center. Once the candles were lit the room glowed with twinkling lights. It was charming!

The candle arrangements were something my daughter had been working on for several weeks. We used two different set-ups for the candles and alternated them between tables. We bought the glass candle holders at a discount store, and used dried lavender and fresh rosemary sprigs from our own garden as a touch of greenery around the base of the candles.

We decided not to use the rocks on the mirror but kept the greenery with a touch of lavender.

The decorated arches created focal points around the room. We used them as backdrops for the bridal table, the cake table, and a photo board corner.

The bridal table was simply decorated: a garland of ivy twined with a string of clear crystals was laid on top of the table in front of the bride and groom. Two candle arrangements were at either end of this garland. If we’d had more time I think we might have added some swags of tulle and garland to the front of the table but…we didn’t.

The cake table was made special by a crocheted tablecloth made by my aunt. The lacey white tablecloth was laid over a hunter green cloth and looked lovely beneath the floating tiers of the cake. We purchased a 3-tiered cake stand and covered the base with tulle then we wound ivy around and through the tier legs. Finally, we positioned the cake “topper” in amongst the ivy and tiers. We put the champagne flutes to one side and it made a very pretty picture.

The photo board was almost an after thought but I was very pleased with the end result. I’d always liked the idea of having some kind of pre-wedding “history” available to guests even if it was just a couple of pictures of the bride and groom on a table. This proves they didn’t just drop out of the sky as a couple but actually had lives before they met. Not everyone may find that interesting but I do and I was happy that, when I suggested a photo board, everyone seemed eager to help make it happen. I especially enjoyed getting together with the groom’s parents to sort through their family photos and pick out a dozen special pictures. We also had several pictures of the couple having fun together at church as children when they were “just friends” and before they were a couple. So, it was very pleasing to me to be able to show the evolution of their relationship – from two strangers to friendship to devotion.

I covered a 2x3 foot white board with different colored construction paper and arranged the pictures on it. Also, the bolts of tulle came on 1x3 foot cardboard pieces. After we used up all the tulle on decorations, I covered these cardboard pieces with construction paper too and attached them to the sides of the white board kind of like wings. I was using what I had on hand but, if I had to do it over again, I might just use a standard science project display board. Anyway, we had the use of an easel at the reception hall and set up the photo board in a corner under one of our lighted arches to create a conversation piece.

Total cost to decorate the reception hall and the sanctuary at church = $555. This cost includes the altar flowers, the wedding arch, 3 bolts of tulle, 14 garlands, numerous artificial flowers, 60 glass candle holders, 60 candles, several pounds of decorative rocks, and fabric for 15 tables cloths.

P.S. Photos of some of the cake table, photo board, one of the table arrangements, and overall room may be viewed here.

Tips For Decorating Arches

We used four decorative arches in our wedding. The arch used in the sanctuary for the ceremony was a wooden arch we’d purchased at a craft store. Friends loaned the other three arches to us. These were metal garden arches designed to be driven into the ground. My husband fitted rubber feet on the bottom of each leg so that the arches could stand in the reception hall without damaging the floor. These rubber feet can be found at a hardware store.

Tulle covered lights, ivy garland, and silver mesh twined together and topped off by a sequined rose decorated the front of this arch. Tulle swags provided a backdrop.

My daughter and I looked online at countless pictures of wedding arches until we had an idea of what we wanted. Then we went to the craft store and purchased several floral and ivy garlands as well as three bolts of white tulle. A friend gave us a box of Christmas lights in various lengths and shapes. We were ready to begin.

The first thing we did was wrap three separate strings of lights in tulle. This softened the lighting and also disguised the green cord. We were delighted with the results!

How To Wrap Lights

1. The first thing we did was vacuum the floor. Tulle will pick up every piece of dirt, hair, or lint on a floor, so be sure your work surface is clean!
2. Lay out a strip of tulle the length of a string of lights. Fold the tulle so that there are three or four layers of fabric in the strip. The strip should be at least 12 inches wide.
3. Lay the string of lights down the center of the tulle. Plug in the lights and make sure they all work. Replace any that are burned out.
4. Fold the tulle over the lights. This is easier than rolling the lights in the tulle, in my humble opinion, but it can be done either way. Tuck the tulle under the lights as necessary. The main thing here is to completely cover the string of lights in layers of tulle.
5. Gather the tulle at each end of the light string and tie it tightly with a short strip of tulle.
6. Using short strips of tulle or ribbon, tie the bundled lights every couple of feet along the string to secure the tulle to the lights. At this point, be creative! The lights may be tied with a bow or a knot. Tying strips tightly will separate the string of lights into poufs. Tying them loosely will give the strip more of a tube look. The light string is now ready to use!

The broad "ribbon" lights fit neatly over the top of the arch.
The garland at the back was tied on with green ribbon.

In general we discovered that it was best to wrap lights or garland onto the arch first before doing anything else. Everything else that might need to be laid on top of the arch or added in some way needed to go on after the wrapping was done! So, the lights went on first, then we laid a length of tulle over the top of the arch. At this point we were delighted to find some “ribbon” lights in our box of lights -- that is a wide band of lights usually used to wrap around a pole or cover the top of a hedge. This ribbon fit perfectly over the top of the arch! We secured it with twist ties, then added a second layer of tulle over all. This way the arch provided soft but ample light to illuminate whatever we set under it.

The Lark's Head knot as it looks with both a cord and tulle.

Swags
I used a Lark’s Head Knot, also called a Cow Hitch, to tie a length of tulle to the top of the arch. This knot is wonderful because it’s not only secure, it’s easy to adjust so the tulle falls evenly from both sides, and easy to untie once the event is over. From that point I could make swags any way I liked. We tied the swags back using both ribbons, separate lengths of tulle, and just knotting the tulle itself onto the arch.



The Wedding Arch
Our aim was simplicity when it came to the arch used for the ceremony. The rustic wooden arch was the color of driftwood. We did not use lights or ivy garland. Instead, we purchased some frosted pussy willows and white clip-on roses. Over the top of the arch we laid a short length of glittery white craft felt, the kind used at Christmas to simulate snow. This would provide a foundation on which to lay the pussy willows so they wouldn’t fall through the arch but would hang from the front of the arch. Then we overlaid the arch and pussy willows with a length of tulle that fell down the sides. Finally, we took another length and draped it along the front. On the front of the arch we tied the fabric in place with short strips of tulle and covered the knot with a clip-on rose. To these we attached strands of pearls and tied a crystal fob on the end of each to weigh it down and to add a touch of sparkle. This arch took less than half an hour to decorate.

The top of the wedding arch as it looked in our living room...

...and in the sanctuary before the ceremony.

Pre-wedding Preparations
We assembled an arch in our living room and played with different decorative ideas for several weeks until we settled on what we wanted. When we achieved the desired look, we photographed the arch and undecorated it. Then, we decorated it again, this time taking notes on what should go on first and other assembly instructions. We made a list of each item that would be on the arch then, after removing the decorations again, we put the list and all the decorations into a 13-gallon trash bag. Finally, we labeled the bag “Cake Table”, “Bridal Table”, or “Photo Board” depending on where the arch would go. We repeated this process for each arch.

When it was time to decorate the reception hall, we had everything bagged and ready for our helpers and could get them going with just a few instructions. Sadly, on The Day, I forgot to bring the pictures we had taken. Despite the lack of that visual aid the arches went up just fine and looked lovely.

Rendering A Rapturous Recessional

A recessional is, by its position at the end of the ceremony, not nearly as important as the processional. If a bride was really stuck and couldn’t find a piece of music she liked, she and her new husband could simply exit to the enthusiastic applause of her happy guests. But it’s more likely she will want some joyous music to launch her into married life!

As I mentioned before, we never intended to use Mendelssohn’s “Wedding March”. There is nothing wrong with this piece, by the way, except that it’s lost some of its freshness through repeated use over the years. I won’t fault any bride who wishes to use “Here Comes The Bride” and the “Wedding March” for a processional and recessional. She may have been waiting all her life to hear these two pieces at her own wedding and they’ll regain all of their charm when her guests see how happy she is.

The mother-of-the-groom and I were partial to Jeremiah Clarke’s “Prince of Denmark’s March” (aka “Trumpet Voluntary”), another piece often used for both walking in and walking out, but my daughter was not. Using the “choose a favorite hymn” guideline, I suggested that she consider her favorite contemporary worship song, “Lion of Judah”, written by Ted Sandquist. She liked the idea! The song was upbeat and had a wonderful message too. In essence, though we would use an instrumental version, it was like a personal declaration by the couple that Christ would rule their married life. There was a little hitch, however. The only commercially recorded version of the song we knew of was a “live” version in which clapping and Pentecostal murmuring often obscured the music. The song also segued directly into a confessional piece titled “Humble Thyself” which was not the mood we wanted to leave folks with! We had a lot of affection for this version but it really wasn’t suitable for an exit piece.

Now, the contemporary worship team at our church had often played “Lion of Judah” and the sheet music was readily available to us. We decided to ask the piano player in the group – a talented musician, composer, and good friend -- who also happened to have a recording studio in his garage, to record an instrumental version of the song for us. We offered to pay but he insisted that it be a wedding present. Three weeks later we had our recording. We spent about an hour in his studio with him making choices about style and instrumentation, he burned a CD for us, and we were good to go.

Final thoughts: the recessional is as meaningful as a bride wants to make it but it’s by no means the highlight of the ceremony. It’s simply the period on the end of the sentence, and I’d like to encourage brides not to agonize over what to use. By the end of the ceremony most guests are already thinking about getting to the reception and the bridal party is thinking about getting pictures taken at the altar. In other words, no one is planning to stick around and listen to the music. My advice is to make the music just long enough to get everyone out of the room and upbeat enough to make them smile as they go.

Making The Wedding Veil

We had researched wedding veils and how to make them. Now, we needed to get the materials. We traveled to San Francisco to visit Britex, a magnificent fabric store with four floors of cloth and a large selection of lace. While there we purchased a remnant of 120 inch wide diamond white tulle net. This was a softer, finer tulle than the kind we were using for decorations and cost $12 for a little less than a yard. We would not only use this fine tulle for the veil but also for the cap sleeves we planned to add to the wedding gown.

VERY expensive lace!

We loved the look of the fancy ornamented lace we saw but edging our veil with any of them would’ve run the cost up out of reach. We began to understand why veils are often so expensive! The circumference of the average fingertip length veil is between three and four yards and the lace we liked best was $35 per yard. That would be $140 for the lace alone! So, rather than purchase several yards of this lace for the veil, we bought one yard to use on the outside edge of the cap sleeves. We also bought a yard of matching narrow lace to trim the inside edge of the cap sleeves at $17.50 per yard. Now we could still enjoy the lace without breaking the bank.

This left us without lace for the veil, though. We returned home and visited our local fabric store. There in the “dollar” bins was a prettyish kind of ruffled lace on a spool -- 5 yards for $2.50. Obviously it was not as fine as the gorgeous stuff we’d seen at Britex, but it did meet several of our requirements. It was approximately 3 inches wide, had a floral motif, and was very inexpensive. We bought two spools and carefully snipped off the gathered edge of the lace, which neatly turned it into flat lace.

The lace was still not quite ready for our veil, though. To dim the antiseptic white we cut several swatches and dipped them in different teas until we arrived at a shade that matched our diamond white tulle. For those not familiar with the term “diamond white” -- this is the color shade between bright white and ivory, according to some definitions. Speaking for myself it is a white that leans more toward silver or grey rather than ivory. At any rate, it is often called “off white” and it complimented my daughter’s complexion much better than bright white.

To achieve the shade of white we wanted we steeped a standard teabag of jasmine tea for three minutes then soaked the lace in it for two minutes. We squeezed out the excess tea and laid the lace out flat to dry. Once it was dry, we ironed it and wrapped it back on the spool until it was time to sew it on the veil.

I cut a large “egg shaped” oval from the fine tulle in the length we wanted for the veil. I gathered the narrow end and pinned this raw edge to a four inch wide tulle wrapped comb. You will want to sew the tulle to the wrong side of the comb so that when you turn the comb under to put it in the bride’s hair, the tulle will fall nicely back from the comb and the raw edge of material will not show. It took several adjustments to get the tulle positioned on the comb properly, and we tried it on my daughter a few times to get it right, then I sewed it firmly onto the comb. I intended to finish the raw edge under the comb by tacking it down flat once we finished the decorative parts of the veil but I never quite got around to it. Thankfully, this is a detail no one but myself would notice.

Inexpensive lace and a simple embellishment

Now that the veil itself was attached to the comb, I added the lace edging. I lined up the bottom edge of the lace with the bottom edge of the veil and pinned it in place. Then, following the contours of the lace, I stitched the upper edge of the lace to the veil using a simple back stitch and silver silk thread. We did not trim the tulle to the stitching but rather left the layer of tulle as backing for the lace to make a sturdy foundation when my daughter added the bead accents. She used beads very sparingly on the veil so that they added sparkle but didn't compete with the tasteful simplicity of her gown. It also saved her a lot of work.

We worked on the veil over several weeks, sewing for just half an hour each day until it was done. My main concern was not to prick myself and get blood on the fabric. I strongly suggest using a thimble for this work!

Final cost of materials for our wedding veil amounted to less than $25 and we had a lot of tulle, lace, and beads left over. In fact, for that amount of money I could have made two veils. Granted, the lace was not the highest quality but it looked lovely and served its purpose. All in all, making the wedding veil was time well spent.

It's not necessary to spend a lot of money to get a lovely veil. We were very pleased with how ours turned out.

Wedding Veil Research

A search of “wedding veil history” on the internet makes it clear that wedding veils have lost most of their former social and religious significance. Wearing a veil has become more of a fashion choice than a barrier to ward off evil spirits or a symbol of modesty, and that’s fine! For us it was strictly a fashion accessory. My daughter’s main concern was that it be flattering to both herself and The Dress. My main concern was that it not cost an arm and a leg!

When we began looking at veils we had no idea that they came in such a wide variety of styles. Before sorting through the shimmering array of sheer and fluffy fabrics, it helps if a bride is honest with herself about her appearance. For example, my daughter is petite and has short hair. Without looking at price tags, we tried on a dozen different veils. A cathedral length veil absolutely buried her while a stylish “cage” simply didn’t flatter her face. A heavily ornamented veil overwhelmed her simple dress but a plain veil seemed more like an afterthought than something meant to accentuate her overall appearance. She said, “Absolutely not!” to poufy veils and veils trimmed with marabou or fur, even though I thought the feathery ones were very cute. She said, “Yes!” to the addition of a tiara.

At last we settled on a fingertip length veil and looked at one trimmed with gorgeous lace ornamented with iridescent sequins and seed pearls. The price tag was $350. That was as much as we’d paid for the dress! We asked to see a fingertip veil with no lace and no ornaments, just a plain narrow rolled hem, but even that one cost $150. Indeed, there were few veils to be had for under $100.

While my daughter tried on other veils, I examined a couple on the rack. Each seemed to be a hair comb on to which a length of tulle had been attached. The tulle was then decorated in a variety of ways. With the exception of the cage and other more hat-like headpieces, I was pretty sure I could make a veil for my daughter…and I could probably make it for about $20.

I checked out half a dozen books from the library on veil construction; the most informative was Veiled in Beauty: Creating Headpieces & Veils for the Bride. I also looked at several videos on YouTube that not only described the different styles of veils but also showed how to construct some of them. One video showed how to prepare a plain comb for attaching a veil. I’m going to pass on that information here because it is the foundation of any veil you might want to construct.

1. Purchase a comb in the length you need. Combs may be plastic or metal. Shorter combs one or two inches long will work fine for smaller veils. For longer veils or veils with poufs on top, you might want a longer comb.

2. Cut a piece of tulle about 2 inches wide by 3 feet long. This piece of tulle does not have to be cut perfectly straight since you’ll be wrapping it around the comb, so don’t worry about making a neat edge.

3. Hold the tulle against the length of the comb and wrap the tulle tightly over itself, over the top of the comb, and through each tooth. This binds the loose edge of tulle to the comb.

Try to hold the tulle so it lays flat against the comb rather than wound like a cord. This will give you a smoother look and better coverage on the comb. When you get to the other end, reverse direction and wrap the comb a second time until you’re back to where you started.

4. Take the loose end of tulle and, using a large needle or a crochet hook, thread it back through the wrapping. Cut off the excess. Your comb is now ready for the veil.

At this point I’m going to stop our instructions because this is the very point at which a bride needs to make several decisions about length, style, and materials. I strongly urge brides who want to make their veils to read up on veil construction and look at “how to” videos online. It’s not difficult at all but you will want to give yourself plenty of time to do the job right especially if you intend to add beading or other ornaments. :)

More about how we constructed our veil tomorrow…

The Mechanics of Buying a Wedding Dress

So we left off the story of The Dress at the point where Mom and I had reached an understanding of what we wanted. Now comes the fun part – actually going out and trying on dresses!

After a lot of research and back and forth with my mom, I had settled on the gown “Opal” by Maggie Sottero. It had cap sleeves to appease Mom, the corset back I wanted, and a beautiful overlay of lace. I thought it was the perfect dress!

This one seemed to have everything we wanted.

First, I looked for it online and found, much to my dismay, that the dress was $2000 dollars! Not to be put off though, I searched other sites and found it for as low as $150. These sites, however, were the kind that sell knock-off dresses and often seemed kinda shady. At one point, I stumbled across a manufacturer on the Chinese version of Ebay. I considered buying from him, but in the end decided not to. Not only did it seem unethical, I also was not comfortable purchasing a gown sight-unseen.

Thankfully, when we tried a very similar dress on in a local bridal shop, we found that the sweetheart neckline that looks so flattering in the pictures looked awful on me. I have a small chest, and the dip in the middle of the neckline really brought out how small I am – not very flattering! One of the most important things to remember is just because the dress looks stunning on the model does not mean it will look the same on you. I don’t say this to be cruel, but to save other brides a lot of frustration. That's why it's important to actually try on gowns first!

From there, we went to two bridal salons. One in a neighboring town called The Wedding Wearhouse and one very close to home called Gilda’s Bridal Touch. We visited The Wedding Wearhouse first. I was amazed by the good service! We were walk-ins on a Saturday afternoon, and yet, within minutes, we had our own dressing room and personalized attention by a young woman who was very enthusiastic about helping us find the right dress.

I tried on at least 16 gowns. I didn’t want a large amount of pouf, but we soon found that if the gown was too flowy, it looked like a nightdress.

We did find one that we liked very much. It was gorgeous with detachable cap sleeves and beautiful embroidery. Sadly, it was at the very top of our price range and about six sizes too big which meant we’d have to order it in my size – adding another $150 to the price tag even before alterations. Deciding to sleep on it, we thanked the girl and headed home.

A few weeks later, we went to Gilda’s and tried on more dresses. She and her uncle were amazingly helpful and it didn’t hurt that both my cousin and one of my close friends had bought their dresses there. I browsed the shop and picked out six dresses that I liked. After looking me up and down, the uncle carefully selected three more and added them to my stack and shooed me into the dressing rooms. In the end, it was one of his dresses that I fell in love with!

I ended up buying this one. It only took some minor alterations to make it The Dream Dress!

It fit perfectly off the rack with only a hem job needed to make it the right length. We didn’t buy it right away though. Remembering the gown at The Wedding Wearhouse, we asked Gilda to hold this gown for a few hours while we ran to look at it. She agreed and we were off!

As we drove down the freeway, I joked that if God meant for the dress at Gilda’s to be My Dress, the dress at this store would be sold. We both were laughing as we went in the door, but sure enough, the dress had been sold. We thanked the young lady (same woman who had helped us before) for her time and drove back to Gilda’s to buy The Dress.

So, the Basic Mechanics of buying a wedding dress are:

• Know what looks good on you. Are you tiny? You’ll probably get lost in a big poufy gown. Tall and willowy? A slender, floor-length gown might make you look taller and skinnier.

• Know gown terms. What’s the difference between a trumpet and a mermaid silhouette? Chapel train vs. a Cathedral train? I found http://www.bridepower.com/gown-glossary.aspx to be very helpful, but just typing in “Wedding Dress Terms” in Google brings up plenty of helpful resources.

• Be open to other dresses. We all have ideas of what we want or what we look good in, but be willing to explore – you’ll never know what you’ll find!

• Set a cap on how much you’ll spend. This keeps you from breaking the bank and also makes you examine the gowns you’re trying on more closely, instead of dismissing them out of hand.

The Invitations – Tips for Economy and Success

Spelling
Don’t assume anything with regard to spelling! It’s better to ask how to spell the most common sounding name rather than risk misspelling a guest’s name. And the post office would appreciate it if you got the spelling correct on the address too.

Sending invitations to several adults at one address
We didn’t stick to strict etiquette forms when addressing invitations. For example, we did not adhere to the rule that unmarried sons over the age of 18 and living at home should each receive their own invitation while unmarried daughters of any age living at home should be included in the family invitation after the names of their parents. To save money we addressed invitations to families living at the same address irrespective of age listing each name on the envelope. In one case we addressed a single invitation to a sister and brother. Perhaps this was bad form on our part but we felt we knew all our guests well enough to be excused certain lapses in form for the sake of economy.

If a married couple was living at the same address as another married couple, we addressed invitations to each separate family group. If two single unrelated adults were living at the same address, we sent two separate invitations.

Avoiding unexpected guests
We addressed every envelope very specifically to each person we were inviting. We did not address envelopes to “The Smith Family” or “Johnny B. Goode and guest”. It didn’t matter if there were eight people in a family, we addressed the envelope with the names of each guest. We did this on purpose to avoid confusion as to who was invited and also to show respect to our friends, all of whom we were more than happy to name…with correct spellings, no less! ;)


Penmanship
I’m not going to suggest that addresses must be written out in Spencerian script but, like it or not, penmanship is important. A well-written address is not only a boon to postal carriers but also shows guests that a bride cares enough about them to take the time and write their names correctly and legibly. To this end I’d like to suggest that a bride set aside time each day to carefully address a few envelopes. She doesn’t have to address them all in one sitting unless she has the kind of fortitude usually reserved for Olympic athletes. Speaking for my daughter and myself, we broke up addressing envelopes over four or five days. This way we avoided hand cramps and the sloppy writing that comes with fatigue.

The return address
Although we wrote out every invitee’s name and address we chose to use return address labels for our own. We ordered our return address labels intending to use them on the save the date cards as well as the invitations. If a bride has the means to print her own, she may do that instead. Return address labels, thankfully, are not very expensive to purchase or print.

Weighing in
It’s a good idea to make a mock invitation to take to the post office to weigh beforehand. Include everything you’ll be mailing – the invitation, additional inserts and envelopes, and anything else you’ll be putting in the main envelope like confetti or whatever. You may find that simply eliminating one insert can bring the weight down within a lower postage rate. Or you may find that adding that extra little thing you wanted won’t make any difference in the cost.

Postage
The post office will often have a wedding-themed stamp available. Be sure to ask to see it. There’s also the regularly issued “Love” stamp that can be very pretty. If you buy your stamps in advance, be sure to ask the post office if there will be an increase in postage between the time of your purchase and the time you will be mailing your invitations. Better to know the exact postage costs before mailing than to have them returned due to insufficient postage. Edit: With the advent of the "Forever" stamp worries about changing postal rates is all but eliminated.

Thinking ahead
Print up a few extra invitations for keepsakes. My daughter and I didn’t mail an invitation to our own family but we did set one aside for each of us. We also asked the mother-of-the-groom if she wanted an extra one.

Extra invites are also good to have on hand for that one guest you somehow overlooked but really wanted to invite! Yes, it does happen! So, if the cost is not prohibitive, be sure to figure on half a dozen additional invitations above and beyond your guest list.

The Invitations – Part Two

Today I’ll describe how we made our invitations. Do-it-yourself wedding invitations may be found online, in office supply stores, and even in some “big box” stores. We found a decent selection of DIY invitations in craft stores too, and they had a variety of crafting accessories we could use to make our invitations completely unique. Again, we watched for sales and used coupons to purchase everything.

The invitations we used were produced by Gartner Studios. Each box of 40 invitations cost about $22 after we used our coupons. We bought four boxes so our total for 160 invites = $88.

The box of DIY invitations came with printable invitations and response cards, a backing piece with die-cut invitation holders, ribbon, and envelopes for both the invitations and response cards. My daughter did not want to use the ribbon which made assembling the cards that much easier. While I thought the ribbon would’ve looked lovely, and there are many ways to add ribbon accents to an invitation besides tying a bow, it was one less thing to thread through tiny holes and one less bulky thing to try and stuff into an envelope.

Using the online templates provided by the manufacturer we filled in our invitation information and printed up the invites on my home printer. When all was said and done, we had only about a dozen invitations that were not usable due to smudging or misalignment. I’ll estimate the cost of ink at $75.

We also purchased a die punch for $18 and die-cut an oak leaf in the bottom left hand corner of the invitation. We backed it with a small square of marbleized, hunter green scrapbook paper to add a little three-dimensional look. We’d seen this done on the fancy professionally made invitations and liked the idea. The paper cost $4 each and we used two of them. The tape we used to tape things in place cost $4. Total for invitations so far = $193.

Creative note: there are so many beautiful die punches and stamps available in craft stores these days a bride can customize her invitations in many ways and it’s neither difficult or expensive to do. There is also a wide variety of craft paper, foil, and vellum that she can use to back a die cut or overlay an invitation. Ribbons, stickers, and press-on jewels are other things a bride might consider to add distinctiveness to her invitation.

We had limited space on the invite in which to fit the wedding ceremony information and a Bible verse chosen by the couple. It took an hour or so of playing with font sizes before we arranged all the information onto the invite so that it didn’t look cluttered or cramped.

Happily, since we didn’t intend to include response cards, we took the blanks provided and printed the reception and R.s.v.p. information on them instead. We included this card as an insert along with the invitation. It looked like this:

For the most part our guests knew exactly what to do with the R.s.v.p. information included here.

Even at that a couple of folks wrote over the top of the reception information and mailed this informational card back to us as a response card. We scratched our heads and got a chuckle out of that.

Bottom line: postage to mail the 137 invitations was $60.28. Total cost to create and mail 137 invitations = $253.28.

The Invitations – Part One

The simplest and most proper form of invitation is a hand-written note requesting guests to join one in a celebration and which includes all the pertinent information needed so that they will know exactly what, when, and where they are celebrating. Wedding invitations have evolved from this kind of very personal and succinct invite to sumptuous packets of information a quarter of an inch thick! Still other brides send “e-vites” rather than paper invitations. If your wedding is small enough and intimate enough, a phone call could suffice. The point is there are many ways to invite someone to your wedding. I won’t be telling brides which way is most proper but my feeling is that brides should do a little etiquette research and then pick the kind of invitation that best suits her budget.

We looked at literally thousands of beautiful invitations when we were shopping around for ours. If money had been no object we would’ve chosen embossed fine linen paper edged with platinum, tissue paper inserts, and three silver-lined envelopes. The invitations would’ve been properly engraved in two colors and we might have even included some lovely laser “carving” on a cover page with vellum backing. Just imagine the fun we’d have trying to stuff all those envelopes one inside the other!

As we perused the gorgeous specimens we knew almost immediately that we couldn’t afford the prettiest ones that caught our eye, and those we might have been able to afford weren’t anything we really liked. There is no point in economizing if you don’t like what you’re getting. We also noticed that some of the nicest invitations were very simply made, so we decided to look at do-it-yourself invitations.

Before I go on I want to mention several decisions we made in our effort to economize which led to our decision to make our own invitations.

• Engraving is a beautiful and somewhat expensive way to print information on paper so that the letters are actually raised off the paper. While traditional etiquette demands that wedding invitations be engraved or hand-written, and we loved the look and feel of those engraved samples, we decided to risk the sneers of our more etiquette savvy guests and simply print the invitations. 

• That piece of tissue paper often found floating around in wedding invitations was meant to protect the engraving from rubbing off on the inside of the envelope. In other words, unless the invitations are engraved, the tissue is unnecessary, and that’s one less thing we had to buy and stuff into an envelope!

• The extra inner envelope adds a touch of elegance but, again, it’s unnecessary unless the invitation is delicate and needs added protection from rough mail handlers. Extra envelopes cost more and add weight that could mean more postage per invitation. It can also sometimes add difficulty to extracting the invitation itself. Eliminating the extra envelope meant less expense and work for our guests and us.

• We also decided against a response card for a number of reasons. One, we were having a buffet dinner so there was no need to keep track of dinner choices thus no need of check boxes for guests. Two, we assumed that providing our address and phone number would be all the information guests needed in order to respond. And finally, economy. Why spend the money on yet another unnecessary insert?

• Since we didn’t include a response card we also didn’t need a return envelope. There is no rule of etiquette that requires a bride to send prepaid envelopes to her prospective guests. Brides can save themselves a considerable amount of money by not enclosing stamped return envelopes. We assumed the best about our guests and were confident they all knew how to pick up a phone and call us, or find pen and paper, envelope and stamp, and write to us.

Tomorrow – How we made our invitations.

Fashion Industrialist Redux

The first goal when we chose the bridesmaids’ dresses was to find a style that would be flattering to all three young ladies. We had discussed the possibility of using the hunter green fabric and making three distinctive gowns with styles that worked best for each of our bridesmaids, but the girls were very happy to be dressed in the same style gown. Thankfully, they chose a classic – the A-line – which looks well on just about any body type if fitted properly. The trick then was to adapt this garment to fit young ladies who were separately tall and willowy, short and curvy, and in between with a full figure. 

A second goal was modesty. We chose a pattern we had previously used for the bride’s prom dress and, because that dress was strapless, we added wide straps from a second pattern. We also raised the neckline half an inch. It’s amazing what a little half an inch can do! We went from a peep of cleavage to complete coverage. When the garments were finished we did a “bend over” test and a “twist and turn” test to see just how much gapping there was. Of course, I advised the girls not to bend over anyway as there’s always the risk of gapping, but we wanted to see just how great that risk was. I think we did a good job of retaining the elegance of the gowns and making them comfortable as well as providing plenty of coverage.

We combined these two patterns to make our bridesmaids' gowns.

Finally, we chose fabric that was easy to work with and decided against any ornamentation. The gowns were constructed of hunter green crepe satin with a complimentary band of mint satin at the neckline. We toyed with the idea of attaching a glittery piece of jewelry to each gown but eventually opted for simplicity.

I made two mistakes that almost resulted in disasters that I’d like to share here so seamstress brides might avoid them.

One, with our first bridesmaid I made the outer part of her gown first and tailored it to fit her. Then I made the lining and attached it to the dress. You wouldn’t think an acetate lining would add much bulk but we were hard pressed to zip up her gown after the lining was in! Thankfully, I’d left about three quarters of an inch seam allowance so I just ran a new seam and tore out the old one to give our poor girl room to breathe! So, my advice here is to make sure you leave room for the lining no matter how lightweight the lining fabric is.

Two, after I’d made all three gowns I hung them up in their garment bags. I hung them by loops of ribbon pinned to the seam allowance to avoid stretching the straps. I’d finished the gowns in late November, and in January we had all three girls come over and try on the gowns to see how long it would take all of them to get ready. Much to my dismay all three gowns were exactly half an inch too long! And I’d been so careful about not hanging the gowns by their straps! I can only assume the fabric relaxed over the course of several months but it’s something I would be aware of if I ever did this again. It only took me three days to re-hem the three gowns but had we waited until closer to the day I’m not sure I would’ve found the time. My advice: either let the gowns hang awhile before hemming them or be sure to have your bridesmaids try them on three weeks before the wedding to double check hem length, then you can make any necessary adjustments.

The only other thing I was less than satisfied with was that I had wanted to give each gown one last pressing and I never got around to it. Because of this, I saw every wrinkle and pucker. I just hope our guests were not as critical as I was. If I had it to do over, I would’ve had an iron and ironing board in the dressing room on The Day and assigned someone to take care of this chore for me. It wouldn’t have taken five minutes to do each gown. It’s easy to think of these things in retrospect.

All in all, taking into account the cost of the patterns, the fabric including the muslin, notions, and garment bags – all of which were purchased either on sale or by using discount coupons -- the final cost for our bridesmaids was $50 per gown. Because I had erred on the side of caution and purchased extra fabric in case of major mistakes, I was left with enough fabric to make four pocket squares for the groom and his groomsmen as well as fifteen large table squares to decorate the tables at the reception.

And I was still in possession of my sanity. :)

So You Want To Be A Fashion Industrialist?

I like to sew. I took my first sewing class in high school when such classes were available as electives within the “Home Economics” course of study. It’s true, I offered to make the bridesmaids’ gowns as a Plan B…or C. I had expected the four girls to spend months searching for gowns. I thought they’d be happily trying on hundreds of gowns. Imagine my surprise when, a mere month after beginning their search, having tried on just over a dozen gowns, they returned to say they hadn’t found what they wanted in the shops and would like me to go ahead and make the dresses! Where was their youthful exuberance for shopping?! Despite my initial trepidation, I can say that they are very sensible girls who, rather than frivol away their time (and mine), very efficiently did all the research necessary before coming to me. With this little preamble out of the way, let me offer some suggestions to the bride who wants to make her own clothing for her wedding.

Time. Allow plenty of time plus a little extra to make each garment. I know I’m beginning to sound like a broken record on this point but it’s the single most important piece of advice I can offer. Plenty of time allows for making mistakes and fixing them. Plenty of time means there is time to take a day off once in awhile to rest and still get the job done and done well.

If you are an intermediate sewer like I am and you own a sewing machine and a serger, I suggest allowing three to four weeks per garment. Now, I knew I could knock out three bridesmaids’ dresses over three weekends, but I wanted to be able to enjoy making them and not come away hating the very sight of hunter green. I also deliberately overestimated the time to allow for fittings. My nieces would not be at my beck and call so it was necessary to allow time for them to fit me into their schedule.

Goals. Set construction goals for yourself and stick to them! I basically made a deal with my family that I would start making the bridesmaids’ gowns in August and be done by Thanksgiving. Three dresses would be done and I could enjoy the holidays. :)  I also made a promise to myself to do a little work on the dresses every day of the week except Sunday, which I took off. Whether it was stitching a seam or running a hemline, I didn’t try to do everything everyday but I did try to do something everyday.

Patterns. Even if the same dress pattern is being used for all the dresses, buy one pattern per person. This way you can adjust, mark up, and cut up the pattern to fit each individual. You don’t have to keep it in one piece to use for the next garment and there’s no confusion about whose marks are whose. If you don’t use a pattern, fabric stores will generally accept returns. Keep your receipts!

Shoes. This is really only important for floor-length gowns but it’s absolutely crucial that each girl be wearing her wedding day shoes when you measure for hem length. Maybe this sounds like a given but I’m going to include it here as a reminder. It’s these little details that get overlooked and can cause trouble later on.

Undergarments. Yes, I’m mentioning unmentionables because we had a few issues with them. Dress straps may need to be adjusted to cover bra straps. Some undergarments slenderize but others, especially those with stays, may add inches to waistlines. It’s important for each bridesmaid to be wearing what she’ll be wearing on The Day before taking measurements.

Test Run. Make a muslin mock-up of the bodice to adjust the pattern for fit. A bodice that is too loose or too tight is never flattering, but a well-fitted bodice will ensure that the wearer looks her best and is comfortable too. You don’t need to make the entire dress from muslin but making the bodice will allow you to adjust the pattern before cutting into your special fabric. And, speaking for myself, I appreciated the “practice run” on the pattern.

Garment bags. Purchase some inexpensive garment bags and sturdy hangers on which to hang each dress. This will keep them clean and easy to store until The Day. I pinned loops of ribbon onto the seam allowance inside the bodice with safety pins and hung the dresses from them to prevent the shoulder straps from stretching. These were easily removed when the dress was being worked on or worn.

I will stop here for now. Tomorrow – more about our particular choice in bridesmaids’ dresses.

Choosing Your Bridesmaids' Dresses

The acquisition of bridesmaids’ gowns can be either a long or a short adventure.

Some of my friends reported that they and their bridesmaids all agreed on what they wanted, went out, and bought the dresses within a week. Other friends just bought the dresses they wanted in their bridesmaids’ respective sizes. Still other friends talked about searching for months for dresses that everyone liked.

How long the process takes really hinges on three things:

• How much of a choice are you willing to give your bridesmaids about what they wear?
• Do you want them to match or are different styles in the same color okay with you?
• How many bridesmaids do you have?

Obviously, the more girls you have, the more opinions you will have, and the more difficult it will be to decide on a dress or color that everyone likes – especially if you insist on everyone being identical.

In the case of my bridal party, I knew that I wanted Hunter Green (that rich, Christmas-y green) as the color for the gowns. However, I was also aware that certain shades of green bring out the olive undertones in my family’s skin and make us look half-dead. So, I decided that if hunter didn’t work, I would be just as happy with a nice, deep Royal Blue. Luckily for me, all the bridesmaids liked the Hunter Green and it worked with their individual skin tones.


After that, it was a matter of deciding on the style of the dress. I went through bridal magazines and web sites to get an idea of what I wanted, but I didn’t feel entirely comfortable telling other people what to wear, so I left the final decision up to the girls.

You would think that, being from the same gene pool and all, we would all have similar body types and skin tones. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

My Maid of Honor is petite and very curvy with fair skin (much like my sister’s and mine), my other cousin is very tall and willowy with tan skin, and my little sister has the body of a 14-year-old. With this in mind, I offered the option of different styles in the same color, but my cousins and sister almost instantly vetoed that – they all agreed that they wanted to match.

At Mom’s suggestion, we tried on gowns that were already in my closet first. My cousins and sister each took a turn in my old prom dresses and my bridesmaid dress from a dear friend’s wedding. From that we figured out what kinds of styles were most comfortable for all of them. From there, we looked at the dresses I had picked out on the Internet, discarded some and slowly narrowed down the field.

Soon we had a general idea of what we all wanted. Time to go shopping!

We looked in bridal salons, of course, but we also went to all of our local department stores. Most of them have a steady supply of formal dresses, and prom was soon to be over – that meant mega-sales! A word to all brides: Don’t overlook your local mall or downtown. There are many beautiful dresses that are much less expensive than any dress you will find in a bridal store – simply because the word “Wedding” is not attached.

Because we had done so much research before shopping, we were able to skip past the dresses that weren’t what we wanted. After trying on a dozen gowns – maybe 15 at the most – we found a simple floor-length, A-line gown that looked great on all three girls and fit what I wanted for my bridal party! Joy reigned in the dressing rooms.

Then we looked at the price tag.


Here’s one more factor that can be a real killer. How much can you or your bridesmaids afford to spend? In our cases, we were all college students paying our own ways through school, or, in my sister’s case, still a minor with no source of income. My parents and I couldn’t afford to pay for three additional dresses, and my cousins certainly didn’t need the financial stress of paying three digits for a dress that they would only wear once.

Frantically, we looked through catalogs in the store. The pain of not being able to afford the dress that we’d all fallen in love with was eased by the fact that it also didn’t come in my color. We kept looking, but soon found that all the dresses were $175 and up. The floor-length gowns were usually $250 and higher. This was without the cost of alterations, shipping, and tax.

At this point, I realized that my mom, a good seamstress, could make the gown we wanted for under $100. The biggest plus was that she had already offered!

My cousins jumped on the idea and we immediately headed to the nearest fabric store and spent another hour finding patterns that were close to the dress we had wanted and taking pictures of the packages as well as writing down brand names and pattern numbers. After that, we browsed the actual fabrics, testing how they felt against our skin and how they worked with our complexions. We settled on a hunter green crepe satin for the outside and acetate for the lining.

Triumphant in our money-saving scheme, we went back to my house and informed Mom of our findings, ending the whole thing with, “Mom, I was thinking, you could make the gowns for a lot less. Would you be willing?”

She said, “yes” and opened the door for many new hurdles, which she will tell you about later.

Picking the Perfect Processional

Right from the beginning we knew we would not be using Wagner’s "Bridal Chorus" (“Here Comes The Bride”) for the processional or Mendelssohn’s "Wedding March" for the recessional. We didn’t plan to use anything by Bach, Pachelbel, or Handel either. It’s not that we don’t like these traditional pieces but we wanted something unique for our wedding. But how do you pick something completely unique over such tried and true standards and know that it will work properly? Here are some suggestions based on what we experienced and also what we’ve seen at other weddings.

Use processional music that has an easy “walking” tempo. You don’t want to march down the aisle like you’re in a parade but you also don’t want to meander so slowly that people begin to fidget.

Use processional music that is upbeat and joyful. This is a celebration after all and the music will set the mood. In our family there was also a sense of propriety to be observed. It was a religious ceremony, not a raucous party. We wanted our music to be respectful as well as respectable. Having said that, whether the ceremony is religious or not, the music should not be so distracting as to take attention off the bride.

Use processional music that is well timed. By this I mean literally taking a stopwatch and timing it, especially when using prerecorded music. I’m serious. Go to the ceremony location and play the song a few times, walking down the aisle for each person in your party, and figuring out just exactly how much time it’s going to take for each to get from point A to point B. It helps to take notes.

If a live musician will be performing the music at the ceremony, timing the piece is not quite as critical, but still a good idea. A good musician will be able to extend or shorten a piece as necessary so that everyone not only arrives at the altar but that the music ends once you're there. No matter how awesome your music is, it’s awkward to make everyone wait an extra 30 seconds for the final notes to finish, and that can seem like an eternity when you’re just standing there.

My daughter liked two instrumental pieces, "I Giorni" and "Divinere" by the pianist Ludovico Einaudi, but when we listened very critically to each piece, trying to envision each as the processional, we realized neither would work because the first was too slow and the second too overpowering. Instead we chose to use "I Giorni" as part of the pre-ceremony music.

With this decision, and still needing a processional, my daughter then asked around among her friends for their thoughts and they suggested that she use a favorite romantic song or a favorite hymn. This got her to thinking that her favorite hymn, "Be Thou My Vision", might work as a processional and asked me what I thought of the version performed by the group 4 Him. We both agreed that the pacing would work but we also wanted an instrumental version rather than a song with vocals. I went to work looking for instrumental versions of the song.

"Be Thou My Vision" uses an old Irish folk tune and has the same melody as the hymn "Christ Be My Leader". Both hymns have beautiful lyrics and we considered printing them in the program. My daughter was most familiar with the words of "Be Thou My Vision" and liked the imagery of God as her Friend, Counselor, and Protector; Someone Who stays by her side throughout her life. On the other hand, I was more familiar with the words to "Christ Be My Leader" and liked the imagery of Christ leading my daughter down the aisle. We abandoned the idea of printing the lyrics in the program only because two full sets of lyrics, no matter how meaningful, would not be something anyone was likely to read and it would add clutter to the layout of the program. The bottom line here, I suppose, is that the processional hymn meant a great deal to both of us even though it was for different reasons.

I listened to a dozen different renditions of "Be Thou My Vision" and finally found an instrumental version by Craig Duncan that I really liked. The hymn was done in the Celtic style with harps, flutes, and fiddles. Upon hearing the first glissando, the groom commented that there was a little too much harp for his taste. I said he could stand a little enchantment on his wedding day.

The hymn was 3 minutes and 35 seconds long and had five verses – one verse for the ring bearer and flower girl, one verse each for the three bridesmaids, and one verse for the bride and her father with a tag at the end for good measure. All in all, each verse was 27 seconds long with 4 seconds in between each verse. I thought it was perfect. Our church sanctuary is not all that long. My daughter and I played the song in the sanctuary and walked the distance no less than 20 times to figure out pacing. We were sure the party could make it from the back to the front easily enough by walking naturally at a leisurely pace. Our pastor was not so sure.

“You’ve got them on a pretty tight schedule,” said Pastor. “You say the flower girl is 18 months old? In all the years I’ve been doing this, I haven’t seen a child under the age of three make it down the aisle without stopping.”

“If that happens we’ll just have the first bridesmaid collect the ring bearer and flower girl on the way down,” I said, willing to do just about anything to make it work. We even thought of having my nieces and nephews act as “spotters” along the aisle to urge them on. Meanwhile, my nieces (the mothers of the ring bearer and the flower girl) got together and had their children practice. This was time well spent. When The Day came, the two little ones made it down the aisle just fine!

The only other person to have a little difficulty with the pacing was my husband. He didn’t seem to understand that we didn’t want him to do the old “step, stop, step, stop”. My daughter and I put on the music at home and promenaded back and forth in the living room to show him what we wanted. Suddenly he cried, “I get it! You want me to mosey!” I have to say this is the perfect description of the pace we wanted.

A final thought: Musical taste is a very subjective thing; not everyone is going to like the same music. However, speaking as a musician I believe music is very powerful and rarely leaves the emotions of the listener untouched. The music a bride chooses for her processional will set the mood for the ceremony so it’s a choice that ought to be made with care. Choose something that will leave listeners in no doubt of your happiness.

The Recipes

For those who are interested, here are the recipes we used for our reception buffet dinner and some notes on quantities.

I had plenty of help with the cheesy potatoes, corn salad, and green salad by the way. If not for dear friends who generously offered their time and cooking talents, our buffet would have been a great deal more work for me than it turned out to be. You know who you are and I’m happy to say THANK YOU again! :)

Ham

I combined French’s Classic yellow mustard with dark brown sugar to make a thick, sweet glaze and brushed it on the ham. I also dusted the top of the ham with a pinch of ground cloves. I thought this would add the aroma of cloves without the extra work of inserting and then picking out whole cloves before serving.

To serve 200 hundred guests: I purchased 15 hams. Each weighed between 10 and 13 pounds. At the end of the reception I had four hams left over. I gave one to the photographer, one to the Best Man (who assured me he could finish it off by himself in a week), one to a friend, and I kept one for my family. There were also two large baggies of ham pieces which I gave to the newlyweds.

Cheesy Potatoes

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Serves 8-10

2 lb. frozen hash browns thawed
½ cup melted butter
1 can Cream of Chicken soup
1 pint sour cream
½ tsp. ground pepper
2 tsp. dried minced onion
10 oz. cheddar cheese, shredded (I usually use 2½ cups of medium cheddar)

Topping:
1 cup bread crumbs
¼ cup melted butter

Thoroughly thaw hash brown potatoes. Combine all ingredients (except topping) in a large bowl. Mix with a sturdy spoon or scraper. Spread into a lightly buttered 9x13 baking dish.

Toss bread crumbs with butter and sprinkle on top.

Bake for 45 minutes or until heated through.

Cooking suggestion: Leave off the topping. Bake for 20 minutes. Stir the cheesy potatoes in the dish so the outer edges don’t turn too brown. Sprinkle on topping and finish cooking for remainder of time.

To serve 200 guests: Friends made 8 pans using full size catering pans (approx. 12”x20”x3”). Each pan held 2 batches of cheesy potatoes. Since the mixture is very thick, rather than doubling the recipe, make two separate batches and spread each into half of the pan. This is easier than spreading one batch over the entire pan then trying to spread a second batch over the first. Increase cooking time to one hour since the pan is deeper than a regular 9”x13” baking dish. At the end of the reception I had about 4 cups of cheesy potatoes leftover.

Corn Salad

2 lb. bag frozen kernel corn, thawed and drained OR equivalent fresh
½ bunch green onions, tops only, chopped
1 large red bell pepper, chopped
¼ cup chopped cilantro

Dressing:
4 Tbsp. apple cider vinegar
2 Tbsp. olive oil
2 tsp. honey
½ tsp. ground cumin
Ground black pepper to taste

Combine all vegetable ingredients.
Whisk vinegar, honey, and cumin in a small bowl. Gradually whisk in oil.
Toss dressing with salad. Season with pepper if desired.
Serve at room temperature.

Serves 12-15.

To serve 200 guests: A friend made 60 cups of the corn salad estimating that each guest would take between a 1/4 to 1/3 cup serving. At the end of the reception I had approximately 6 cups leftover.

Tossed Green Salad

Romaine lettuce
Baby spinach
Red cabbage, shredded
Carrots, shredded
Grape tomatoes, whole
Herbed Croutons

Ranch dressing
Thousand dressing
Italian dressing
Caesar dressing

To serve 200 guests: The day before the wedding I purchased 16 heads of Romaine lettuce, 2 heads of red cabbage, 1 pound of baby spinach leaves, 2 pounds of carrots, and ten 10 ounce clamshell packages of grape tomatoes. I also purchased 8 packages of croutons. At the end of the reception I had 2 clamshells-worth of tomatoes and 6 packages of croutons leftover. I purchased 4 bottles of each kind of dressing and had a lot leftover, so the unopened bottles of dressing went to the newlyweds and my in-laws.

Fresh Fruit

Clementine or “Cutie” oranges
Red seedless grapes
Cantaloupe

To serve 200 guests: I completely underestimated what I would need for fruit. I had purchased 8 five-pound boxes of Clementines, 8-10 pounds of grapes, and six cantaloupes. I was told later that the cantaloupe vanished within the first 75 guests, so I would double or even triple the number of cantaloupes. There were no leftovers.

Rolls and butter

To serve 200 guests: Rolls are baked fresh at COSTCO everyday so I went there the evening before the wedding and bought 7 bags of 36 rolls. At the end of the reception I had one unopened bag of rolls which I gave to the newlyweds. I had also purchased foil-wrapped butter pats from Clover, a local company – 400 for $43. I knew this was more than I needed for the reception and gave some leftovers to the newlyweds and the rest to church.

Punch

3 cans Raspberry Lemonade
1 pint Pineapple-Orange-Raspberry sherbet
1 liter 7-Up

Serves 24

To serve 200 guests: Once again I underestimated and was told the punch was gone in the first half an hour. I suggest making 8 batches of the above recipe at least. A kind friend assured me that “punch doesn’t really go with ham and cheesy potatoes anyway. There was plenty of water.” There was also coffee and tea available.

On the positive side, I had purchased 60 bottles of Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider for the toast and not only did everyone have plenty, there were 5 bottles leftover.

Candy

I purchased three 4 pound containers of Jelly Belly jelly beans from COSTCO. I put a cup of candy in each if 30 candy dishes that were placed on the tables around the room. There were no leftovers.

On Choosing Your Bridesmaids

Much like choosing your battles, choosing your bridesmaids needs to be done carefully – hopefully, this ensures having few to no battles to deal with over the course of the wedding planning.

Happy bridesmaids help make a happy bride.

Initially, I had a list of four girls I wanted for my wedding party: one from school, one from church, and my two first cousins. Then I realized that if I asked the one chum from school, I had to include another friend as well since I’d been friends with her first and she had introduced me to the girl I was now considering for a bridesmaid! Same went for the church friend. If I asked her, I should probably ask another friend who had grown up alongside us and been just as close to both of us. And, of course, I needed to have my sister as a bridesmaid.

That last bit actually caused a wee bit of tension between Mom and me for a few weeks. I’d honestly just forgotten that my little sister was old enough to be a bridesmaid. In my mind, she will be forever ten or twelve… never mind that she’ll be in high school next term. It took a little while to assure Mom that I had truly just had a brain fart.

In the end, I chose my two cousins and my sister. I did this for several reasons:

• I come from a tightly-knit family. I’m close with my cousins – we grew up together, we go to the movies together, have had classes together, and have even been co-workers a few times. All in all, these are people with whom I have very strong relationships and wanted to have standing up with me on my special day.
• I didn’t want any of my friends to feel slighted in any way. (I know that if I’m considering these girls as bridesmaids, they’re close friends who should be understanding, but why risk any sort of hurt or disappointment, right?)
• Having a smaller bridal party of family only made choosing gowns and coordinating shopping trips and fun excursions that much easier.

Another thing to consider is taste in clothing. After all, these girls will be wearing a style or color that you pick out for them – best to have similar tastes so that they don’t end up wearing things they hate.

Compatible temperaments are important as well. Are you considering two girls who you know are going to butt heads or a girl who will butt heads with you? Not stress you need.
Financial situations, distance from you, work and school schedules, general enthusiasm and energy are also things to look at before making a choice.

I suppose, everything else aside, the most important thing about choosing your bridesmaids is this: Who do you want standing up there with you? And who would truly share your joy, both in the planning and during The Day itself? You don't want to ask someone simply out of a sense of duty. Try as you might, you simply will never be as engaged with her as with those you asked out of a genuine desire to share your joy, and that’s not fair to either of you.

I was lucky. Not only do I have lots of family nearby, we have a lot of fun together, similar tastes in clothes, and temperaments that mesh well. Because of that, my choice was pretty simple and I had a bridal party who kept me sane, were cooperative and enjoyed themselves throughout the planning, and were really wonderful all around! :)

A fun shopping trip in San Francisco