On Choosing Your Bridesmaids

Much like choosing your battles, choosing your bridesmaids needs to be done carefully – hopefully, this ensures having few to no battles to deal with over the course of the wedding planning.

Happy bridesmaids help make a happy bride.

Initially, I had a list of four girls I wanted for my wedding party: one from school, one from church, and my two first cousins. Then I realized that if I asked the one chum from school, I had to include another friend as well since I’d been friends with her first and she had introduced me to the girl I was now considering for a bridesmaid! Same went for the church friend. If I asked her, I should probably ask another friend who had grown up alongside us and been just as close to both of us. And, of course, I needed to have my sister as a bridesmaid.

That last bit actually caused a wee bit of tension between Mom and me for a few weeks. I’d honestly just forgotten that my little sister was old enough to be a bridesmaid. In my mind, she will be forever ten or twelve… never mind that she’ll be in high school next term. It took a little while to assure Mom that I had truly just had a brain fart.

In the end, I chose my two cousins and my sister. I did this for several reasons:

• I come from a tightly-knit family. I’m close with my cousins – we grew up together, we go to the movies together, have had classes together, and have even been co-workers a few times. All in all, these are people with whom I have very strong relationships and wanted to have standing up with me on my special day.
• I didn’t want any of my friends to feel slighted in any way. (I know that if I’m considering these girls as bridesmaids, they’re close friends who should be understanding, but why risk any sort of hurt or disappointment, right?)
• Having a smaller bridal party of family only made choosing gowns and coordinating shopping trips and fun excursions that much easier.

Another thing to consider is taste in clothing. After all, these girls will be wearing a style or color that you pick out for them – best to have similar tastes so that they don’t end up wearing things they hate.

Compatible temperaments are important as well. Are you considering two girls who you know are going to butt heads or a girl who will butt heads with you? Not stress you need.
Financial situations, distance from you, work and school schedules, general enthusiasm and energy are also things to look at before making a choice.

I suppose, everything else aside, the most important thing about choosing your bridesmaids is this: Who do you want standing up there with you? And who would truly share your joy, both in the planning and during The Day itself? You don't want to ask someone simply out of a sense of duty. Try as you might, you simply will never be as engaged with her as with those you asked out of a genuine desire to share your joy, and that’s not fair to either of you.

I was lucky. Not only do I have lots of family nearby, we have a lot of fun together, similar tastes in clothes, and temperaments that mesh well. Because of that, my choice was pretty simple and I had a bridal party who kept me sane, were cooperative and enjoyed themselves throughout the planning, and were really wonderful all around! :)

A fun shopping trip in San Francisco