Setting the Date

My daughter received her proposal of marriage on her birthday last March. From that moment on several important decisions had to be made almost simultaneously, and one of the first decisions was setting the date for the wedding.

The couple had been dating for two years and didn’t want a long engagement. My daughter also knew she wanted her wedding in winter or early spring. Since her fiancée was graduating from college in November, we narrowed the dates for consideration to a time after Christmas but before Easter with decent intervals between the wedding and those major holidays. Charming as a Christmas wedding might have been, we didn’t even consider tucking the wedding in between Christmas and New Year’s Day out of consideration for our guests who would be busy with their own families or coming from out of town. Instead, we focused on dates between late January and mid-March. This would give us almost a year to plan the wedding.

Before we could continue narrowing down the dates, though, we needed to decide whether to have the wedding on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. After going over several logistical scenarios it was decided that a Sunday evening wedding would work best. One of the reasons for this was that many wedding related venues and vendors raise their prices for events scheduled on a Friday or Saturday, so Sunday was less expensive overall. Even the photographer offered a discount if our wedding was scheduled “off season”. I’ll write more about the logistics of having a Sunday wedding later.

Now it was time to check the church calendar to see which Sunday evenings were available. Next we checked the pastors’ schedules. We tried to dodge family birthdays, athletic matches, concerts, and any church events we knew about but -- I have a cautionary word for brides here – no matter what you do, there will always be someone who is not happy with the date you choose. And some of those folks will be sure to let you know just how inconvenient it is. Some will even accuse you of being inconsiderate. My best advice remains: be sweet, be polite, be as gracious as you can be. Don’t let them dampen your joy. This is more difficult than it seems and it helps to have a trusted confidante to talk to – someone who is not necessarily your mother, and certainly not the groom! But once you’ve vented, try to put it aside and move on. The quickest way to make yourself miserable during what should be a happy time is to worry too much about the one or two naysayers among your prospective guests. Let them manage their own disappointment. You don’t need to help.

Even if you find yourself talking to your cats, it helps to talk to someone who isn't too close to the wedding planning.

Bottom line: our main concern was to pick a date when the bride, groom, best man, maid of honor, parents, pastors, church, reception hall, and photographer were all available. For brides who will be planning a more elaborate affair they may also have a caterer, bartender, baker, florist, videographer, limousine service, and hotel rooms to coordinate. This is no small task. It takes a LOT of checking and re-checking and a LOT of honest, clear communication, but as long as the primary players are there, it’s all good. Even if several of your guests can’t attend, you will be no less married at the end of The Day. ;)

In conclusion, we set the date on Sunday, February 27th.